Truth be told, i spend a lot of my time these days in a blurry haze.
There are things that i can control, and lots and lots of things that i can’t – and it would appear that control is something that is very important to me.
I may not have discovered this were it not for Ozzie.
When i get the chance to interact with adults, i honestly can’t remember how to have rational thought based conversations that don’t end in: “Because i’m your mom and i’m the boss”
Do people still have those?
I know that eventually this will all be just a memory… Just tonight while getting ready to eat supper i looked over at Ceddy who was sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Brad about his trip to the Backpack store where he got his NEW!! BACKPACK!! and i thought: “I can’t believe that he used to be so tiny once”
Every day is kinda like the day before, and it doesn’t take much before you realize that we’re almost half way through the year… sorry, someone had to say it. With the outing of our baby with Moebius – it’s been sort of a bleary fog of answering questions and kind emails of encouragement… which all have the same theme… “If anyone can handle something like this, it’s you guys” What does that even mean? it’s confusing to us, because there really isn’t any other option. We deal and we cope because we MUST deal and we MUST cope. It’s as though it’s implied that if we weren’t us we wouldn’t be doing everything we could to help our baby.
it’s just a weird thing to say
So, i pretty much just take each day as it comes because that’s all i can do. I’m not brave, or strong, or capable… I’m not “hangin’ in there”…i’m numb. And the numbness makes it bearable.And the only thing that gets me through the hard days is the knowledge that time keeps marching on, whether i want it to or not…i have to remind myself that the shitty times won’t last forever, but neither will the adorable, cute, or happy times. The only thing i can do is live in the moment….Easier said than done. But i’m trying.