I do this thing on facebook where i issue open letters to places, inanimate objects…the Universe… it’s kinda my shtick.
The most common one, though, is an open letter to the Universe saying how much it sucks.
These generally fall around the same time that Ozzie is sick, for what i think are obvious reasons.
Today, in fact, i posted one that went along the lines of:
shortly after i posted it, i saw an acquaintances status about men who are jerks, and i thought, i’m pretty lucky Brad is so awesome. Then another one about how much it sucks to be unemployed. I’m not unemployed
it got me thinking, that i do an awful lot of complaining. Really. Things could be a lot worse.
I’m trying really hard, now, to be thankful, instead of angry all the time.
Thankful that i have a loving and engaged husband who does a lions share of the Ozzie related work sometimes, because he accepts that Ozzie is a real Daddy’s Boy.
Sometimes Cedric makes me crazy because he’s always in Ozzie’s face, so i’m trying to be thankful that he loves his brother so much and is not resentful towards him.
I stress out about work – but i’m thankful that i have a job. I am SO thankful that Brad’s work has made it clear to him that FAMILY comes first, and they have been so respectful of that and so understanding of our situation.
I lost my Sh*t at work on Friday, but i’m Thankful for the kind coworker who hugged me and patted my back until i stopped crying.
I really hate the fact that sometimes we need to insert catheters into our son so that we can clear mucous blockages, but i’m so thankful that someone invented that device, and that a Respiratory Therapist showed us how to do it.
I’m thankful that Ozzie really tolerates, even ENJOYS sometimes, his asthma puffers.
I’m thankful that through some amazing people, some pretty expensive medical equipment found it’s way into our home…for free…
I hate that we have to put Ozzie through numerous medical tests and examinations, but i’m thankful for the technology. I’m thankful that those doctors/nurses/therapists went to school to became pediatricians, or surgeons, or nurses, or therapists.
I hate that sometimes Ozzie needs oxygen to breathe, but i’m so thankful that someone figured out how to bottle it.
It makes me sad, depressed, and angry that i can’t just go and take my kids and hang out with friends, or run errands, or go to the Fun Factory, or the Play Centre at McDonalds cuz i’m paranoid of germs… but i’m so thankful for those friends who understand, and don’t get upset when i cancel last minute, or who text me several (hundred) times a week, or call me, or email…to see how we’re doing, who talk me off my metaphorical mommy-ledges, who reassure me when i’m feeling crazy, who let me feel normal for 5, 10, 15 minutes at a time…
sometimes, it makes me so crazy that our little family got handed this raw deal, but i’m so thankful that Ozzie chose us to be his family.
It’s not a perfect system, and Lord knows Most of the time it’s easier to just be so goddamned mad at everything all the time, but it’s a work in progress.