Last week Ozzie spent 5 days in the hospital… and why? because he had the sniffles.  Luckily we caught it in time before it went deep into his lungs, but he still needed oxygen and they had to give him an NG for fluids.  (That’s a feeding tube inserted through the nose into the stomach)

He’s doing well now, still requiring a lot of suction, but i think he’s feeling much better.

This post, though, isn’t really about the hospital – although i could rant about the crazy nurse who wanted to wake ozzie up (after me taking almost 20 minutes to get him to sleep) so she could take his vitals and weigh him…not bloody likely, lady….

Brad and i were talking last night about what it’s like to have a kid who’s not *Regular*…

i told him i felt like i was alienating all my friends.

I’m part of this “Ladies Night Out” group that gets together once a month to do something fun.  I told him that as much as i LOVE that group and those ladies, it stresses me out.

why?

because it involves me making a commitment to a social life – when i know full well that everything could fall apart in the blink of an eye.  How am i supposed to commit to attending something that might potentially depend on my attendance for the event to happen?

and my good friend keeps asking me if i want to put our kids in activities and do things together… and of course, i want to.  i always want to.  but how?

Remember in high school when that one friend of yours got married really early and had kids and suddenly you had nothing to talk about anymore so you drifted apart? Or maybe you were that one friend… it feels like that.  Sure, i mean, my friends all mostly have or are having kids that are my sons’ ages… but i can’t just pick up and go to the lake, or to the zoo, or the fun factory – i mean, maybe i can – but my past experiences have shown me that when i take my kids to those places Ozzie inevitably picks something up and is in the hospital.

my fear is that, by the time we come out of this ‘fragile’ stage and into more of a state of normalcy (whatever that is) we will have isolated ourselves to point of no return.

it’s frustrating.  and a little sad and kinda scary.  all at the same time.

I’ve spent most of the summer indoors – which isn’t fair to Cedric, but the kid won’t play outside by himself. Here it is, September – the leaves are turning, the air is cool and crisp in the mornings… it won’t be long before we settle into winter – and RSV season… which, to me, looks like a big looming cloud of doom. 

Ozzie is on the list of RSV Immunizatioins again this year.  Usually preemies are only on the vaccination list for the first year, but with his low immune system and his inability to have the sniffles without oxygen…. it doesn’t bode well for us.

and i see, ahead of us, parties and gatherings and family functions that we won’t get to go to.  This year is really sockin’ it to me.

SO, i guess what i’m trying to say is – in the end, i hope we come out with relationships still in tact, and if you are one of those great folks who keep inviting us to do things – don’t give up on us… because it means a lot that you want us to be there, even though we might not be able to, and someday, hopefully soon, we’ll be able to say yes.  and that will be glorious.